MUCH as I would have loved to skip writing on anything pertaining to the Federal Government today and indeed, for some time, I discovered this is a difficult decision to observe. Indeed, the more I tried, the more I discovered I could not.

In the first place, the Federal Government of Nigeria takes the lion’s share of the nation’s revenue; about 52.68%; the 36 states 26.72% and the local governments 20.6%. Thirteen percent goes to the oil-producing states. In this anomalous situation in a federation, the Federal Government is almost always going to be in the dock because it alone controls double the revenue that 36 states share among themselves while the 774 local governments take monthly less than half of what the central government takes. Yet, these are the two closest tiers of government to the grassroots. Even the Holy Bible makes it clear that to whom much is given, much is required. When we now begin to have less than proportionate returns from that behemoth that gulps the chunk of our money, the tendency is for us to beam the searchlight perpetually on it.

Another reason why the Federal Government is always in focus is that, as the head, it is supposed to lead by example. But when we do not see much by way of good example that can be emulated from the head; or if the head has issues, then it becomes a problem. As a matter of fact, I always remember the joke that one of my friends used to crack a few years back about a good piece of advice but which cannot be put to use (imoran to da sugbon ti ko se mu lo)! There isn’t much to write home about successive Nigeria’s Federal Government; it is not just about the Muhammadu Buhari administration. All evidence pointing in the direction that it is unwieldy to manage. It needs to be relieved of some of the baggage.

Unfortunately, rather than admit this fact of the need to rightsize, the Federal Government wants to retain its big-for-nothing stature. Just like the country’s appellation as the ‘giant of Africa’, a ‘high sounding nothing’, the government is satisfied with its leviathan status that is injurious to the country’s health and ultimate survival. It is because of its apparent incompetence that some sections of the country are clamouring for (true) federalism. They want a situation where constituent parts of the country can develop at their own pace. That is the way it is in several parts of the civilised world. And it is working for them.

Rather than toe the path of reason and begin to shed weight, the Federal Government keeps digging in. It continues to flaunt its big-for-nothing status unabashedly and, like Oliver Twist, sniffing for more pie to dip its soiled fingers into. In spite of the glaring failure of government, especially at the centre in several sectors of our lives, the Federal Government still wants us to entrust it with even more duties. So, rather than heed the calls of the present, that is a return to true federalism, Nigeria’s central government is obedient only to those of the past: retention of an antiquated status quo that is anti-progress and holding some parts of the country down, against their quest for rapid development. And this despite the general acknowledgment globally of the fact that government is not a good manager of so many things it is in charge of. A good reason why governments are being excused from so many activities in other parts of the world these days, and with astounding results.

It is this same hopeless mindset that is propelling the so-called Water Resources Bill. This is a bill that many parts of the country have rejected as dead even before its arrival because it still places our affairs in the hands of a central government that is still looking for more to chew even as it has not fully masticated what it has in its mouth.

The matter was exhumed, once again, by the Minister of Water Resources, Suleiman Adamu, on Tuesday. Adamu, who was represented by the Executive Director, National Integrated Water Resource Management Commission, Magashi Bashir, told journalists at the commission’s office in Abuja that, “Nigeria is losing about N6 billion to N9 billion yearly to the non-passage of the bill, which would have given legal teeth to the water sub-sector for optimal performance like other sectors.” Unless it is a National Assembly (NASS) of anything goes, this kind of argument is too weak to secure passage of the bill. How much is N6billion to a nation whose refineries are all as good as dead and is still pumping billions into their so-called turn-around maintenance (TAM)? What is six to nine billion naira to a nation that wants to spend twice that amount on Aso Rock Clinic, which is going to be used by a few people even as our teaching hospitals are crying for funds and our doctors are leaving for greener pastures abroad in droves because they cannot find fulfillment here? This is a clinic that even the president does not have need for, as he jets out on medical tourism whenever the need arises.

The government would do well to start averting its mind to things that would place this country on the path of federalism rather than keep digging in on this retrogressive unitary system foisted on us by the military.

Adamu said passing the Water Resources Bill into law would give “legal teeth to the water sub-sector for optimal performance like other sectors.” Did I hear him right? Which of the other sectors under the Federal Government is performing optimally? Let Adamu just point to one or two. If this (optimal performance) indeed were to be a parameter to getting the bill become law, then there is no way it can pass the litmus test. Unless the NASS would rely on the much-touted government’s ‘promissory note’ that we will begin to feel the impact of its programmes after it has left the scene.

It is good that Adamu himself did not pretend not to know why the bill will continue to have issues on its way to becoming law: he urged Nigerians to “advance beyond ethnicity and ethnic politics to better regulate the water sector,” since the country would benefit from a properly managed sector in the event of the bill’s passage. The truth of the matter is that the incumbent government has fouled the air beyond deodorizing with its ethnocentric policies, appointments and postures in the last few years. So, if the bill has become a victim of perpetual distrust by a large section of the country, the fault is not in Nigerians but in the government that Adamu is serving.

As far as many Nigerians are concerned, Water Resources Bill is Rural Grazing Area (RUGA) in another robe and many sections of the country are averse to anything like that

Let everybody manage their water resources. We do not need Water Resources Bill to give majority of Nigerians potable water wherever they may be in the country. Do we? And, for me, that is one of the main things any good water policy must achieve. This is beyond naira and kobo. Potable water to most Nigerians will save the country more than nine billion naira annually that governments would have to spend treating water-borne diseases.

It is immaterial whether the eighth senate rejected or did not reject the bill. Whatever monetary value we may be losing to non-passage of the bill will pale into insignificance when juxtaposed against the troubles that will come with its passage because of the ethnic distrust that heralded its arrival. It is too late in the day for anyone to want to deodorise the putrid smell that the present government has put in the way of such policies or programmes.

This country is facing the worst challenges of its life since the end of the civil war in 1970. Let the government think creatively for solutions beyond debt peonage and foisting of unwanted policies and programmes on hapless Nigerians.

The late Fela-Anikulapo-Kuti said it all, “water, e no get enemy.” Let not the Federal Government look for enemies for it.

Adusei the dreamer

I thought Nigeria was the only country where one could pick death off the shelf almost for free. But the story of a Ghanaian who killed his friend over mere dreaming that the friend slept with his wife has proved me wrong. Kwadwo Adusei, 45, is now in police net for the crime that he committed at Wawaase in Afigya Kwabre South of Ashanti Region of Ghana. According to withinnigeria.com, Adusei lured his victim-friend, Kwesi Banahene, 48, to a bush where he reportedly stabbed him several times. His body was found a few days later when a search party was raised to look for him.

Not satisfied, Adusei descended on his grandfather that he accused of making him impotent. Fortunately the old man survived the attack and is reportedly being treated in hospital.

Although the report did not so state, a proper analysis of the incident would reveal Adusei killed his friend because of his impotence. He could not imagine his friend taking over his conjugal role. Poor Adusei could not imagine a situation where his own friend would be the one to ‘vandalise’ his wife in his lifetime. So, he had to despatch him to the great beyond before dream becomes deed. His excuse that he killed his friend because his dreams always come true would then appear an after-thought. .

Whatever it is, his eyes would be clear now that his dream has landed him in soup. If death penalty is the wages of murder in Ghana, then he may never have the opportunity of dreaming such nasty dreams again. Even if he does, he won’t have the opportunity of committing such crime again, simply on account of being a Joseph.

The story reminds me of yet another odd story that I commented on, I think sometimes in the late 1980s or early 90s. Aptly headlined “The right to cheat”, the story was about some Bangladeshi students who protested over their university authorities’ refusal to let them cheat during examination. They wanted ‘friends to help friends’ in examination halls!

At the rate human rights are being expanded, it is surprising the world has not deemed it fit to accommodate such rights in our schools. After all, what are friends for?

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